the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize