i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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