You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So much Jack, so little girl.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
