I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
