i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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