Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize