Christians are straight up FREAKS
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
