You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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