apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
