hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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