Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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