And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
