You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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