i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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