I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
