There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
