i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
