I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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