please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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