My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
