yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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