Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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