For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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