i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
