Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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