Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
