PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
