Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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