Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
