I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
