We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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