Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
