oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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