First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
