Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize