I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
