I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
