Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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