Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
