I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
