She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You're like the curious george of whores
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
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