if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Randomize
