i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I made him laugh his dick is mine
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
