Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
