hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
