Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
