why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
