she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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