you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
