You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
