What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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