ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just took my morning after pill in the library
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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