Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
