does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
