she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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