I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
