She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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