Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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