At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
