Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
too bad you live with your parents still
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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