i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
this will be a night to untag.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
