New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
