goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
