I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I love how my cats smell like pot.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I will be naked everywhere
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
