My Higher Power is John Stamos
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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