TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize