dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
