Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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