Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
