I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
