So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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