I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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