Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
