Your face is a jimmy john
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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