Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
