I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
