May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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