True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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