this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
