Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
