If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
