Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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