if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
