Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The beer is more important than you right now.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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