what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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