The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
