okay pat passed out under dana's car
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
