dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
