I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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