sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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