Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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