i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
