I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
