I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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