Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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