I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
