i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
