Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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