It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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