Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
