Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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