just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize