i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
